To Believe or not to believe?

" People don't change. For example, I'm gonna keep repeating 'People don't change.' "

For all I agree with Dr. House I could not disagree more with this. If I speak for myself, people do change. Their thought processes change, their priorities change, their values and more importantly their belief systems. Believer and non-believers switch sides, some time they have a revelation, or a very miserable situation or something jolts them. So which side should one be on? Which one is more rewarding, comforting , satisfying?

Contrary to the popular opinion atheists are as or more vulnerable  than others. I personally don't have a belief system anymore, I can not give an assurance to myself of better future, when in doubt I can't pull GOD's name to assure myself. There is so much I miss from those days when I feared him, I knew that he has a plan for me, that I matter to him, that I am apparently more important than others in his plan, that he is the one who has figured it out for me. Now whenever I am in doubt I have to rely on fellow mortals who have or have not gone through similar situations to answer my apprehensions. I'll call them incessantly asking the same questions again and again, and most of the time they'll just tell me what I already know and things would be fine. Sometimes they can't tell me much, I confound them with my misery.

So is it for good or bad that you allay your GOD fears and try to run this life-a-thon on your own.

Whose lose it anyway if you stop believing in GOD?
Is it the worshiper or the worshiped ?
Should not we think more of the path than the destiny ?
Is it worth believing or unbelieving? So what is at stake here ?

Apparently its not just me. People have been struggling with this hard choice since long. Pascal came up with Pascal's Wager, an interesting argument on similar lines. I'll end this here as I try to find better answers.

To complete the opening line

               "People never change. They just become more of who they really are."

Is Reservation the "Hunger Games" of Indian Society?

Once upon a time, certain sections of people were treated horrible and were usually frowned upon for reasons that are illogical. Even today there are places where they continued to be treated unfair just because they belong to a certain religion or caste. But the situation is a lot better than how it was before. It took enormous efforts from social activists who went to extreme lengths in fighting for the rights of the deprived. After the independence, the constitution was framed keeping these issues in mind and many laws were passed to improve their situation. Reservation system arose as a result.

My sister who is extremely passionate in medical profession has to attempt the competitive exams multiple times so that she could get admitted into a college. Had there been no reservation, she would have made it in the first or second attempt. She was not the reason for her failures. It was the system that failed her. I have never had the benefit of the reservation system. I have seen a lot of people who have had the benefit of the system, but didn’t the serve the purpose. They were a lot richer than my family and were treated with respect in the society. If they were eligible for reservation, so was I as they didn’t lack anything that I had.

Politicians are milking from the system that’s almost obsolete now. Groups turn aggressive demanding reservation for themselves and the government gives in as they want to continue winning. I don’t understand the logic behind the percentages assigned for the castes for a seat allotment in a college or securing a job in a government organization. At the end of the day, less deserving individuals in terms of merit end up doing jobs, leaving the hard worked ones curse their fate. Is this the right thing? It is not about restoring balance in the society. It more sounds like getting back at people who were consider elite once upon a time.

Hunger Games ends with Katniss killing Coin for suggesting continuing Hunger Games with the children of Capitol. Now, how many think Katniss did the right thing? Should she have instead encouraged Coin’s thoughts? Comparing this with our reservation system might sound exaggerating, but it is not quite impossible to relate. Most of us would support Katniss’s actions. Then why don’t we support eradication of the system?

On Devil's Side

It was a lazy Saturday afternoon and I had to coax myself to get up and complete some assignment when I heard people screaming and bawling. ‘’Congratulations’’ I heard some voice on the other end of the door. I gazed out of my hostel room window and apprehended that somebody just landed a job offer. Now I felt socially bound to go and congratulate that person. ‘’Citibank’’, she screamed when I shook hands with her to congratulate her. In no time she was glued with phone calls and messages of people congratulating her.

Later in the evening I again bumped into her. She beamed at me and tried to spark a conversation. It was palpable that the conversation had to circle around her job offer. While talking to her, I felt the need to ask her about her ‘’future’’ plans.

‘’What plans?’’ she asked, seemingly baffled. ‘’I have a high paying job now. ‘’ ‘’My life is settled’’. She told me how she had no interest in economics but still chose to pursue it because it had the potential to land her a ‘’well paying’’ job, which eventually it did. Further she spoke about how she loved singing and had really once thought of pursuing a career in that field but didn’t because it was not really ’’profitable’’. ‘’But why do you WANT to work?’’ I prodded her again. ‘’Money’’ she yelled,  visibly irked.

Walking back towards my room, it reflected upon me that such has been the plight of almost everyone we know.

But I don’t completely blame them. For many people they have their own share of financial responsibilities and it’s completely justified to crave for money. But for the rest we have no one to
blame but the society.

As an economics student, I know that when employers hunt for workers, they would want to pick up the best talent at the lowest price possible. Then what does a ‘’well paying job’’ mean anyway.

Since the day we are born, it’s engraved in our minds that possessions equal triumph. And the worst thing is that we have begun to believe it. We work so hard all our lives so that we can buy nice ‘’stuff’’.

Driving a Mercedes-Benz and living in a stylishly luxurious apartment means that you are successful. It does not mater if the job you have taken up is soul sucking and it in no way appeals you.

I have my apprehensions if running after money would ever precipitate into moments when one takes a deep breath and realizes ‘’this is why I do this’’. Or if I would ever encounter that moment when I will jump out of my bed at the sound of the alarm, all electrified to go to work. Hell NO!

‘Following your passion’ can mean varying things to people. For a doctor it could be saving someone’s life. For a trainer it could be seeing the results in the lives of his clients.

For me ‘following your passion’ means fondness to what you do. Something that would make me smile even after the hard work at the end of the day.

Our lives are too priceless to run after material things. These possessions can’t really satiate our deepest desires.

In the illusionistic society we live in, following your passion and doing what you love requires courage. Society has the ability to quash the desires of people who want to follow their heart.
Chasing money is a rat race and we are all part of this. It’s difficult to track down the moment we enrolled ourselves into it, but it happened, anyways.

I remember a quote by Jess C Scott, I read years back which says ‘’If money is the god people worship, I’d rather go worship the devil’’.

If you are lucky enough to find what you love, you should pursue it, as they say ‘’it’s beer to chase your passion rather your pension’’.

Only Time Will Tell

‘I will do it after 15 minutes’, I said to myself keeping an eye on the clock, almost convincing myself, that I was in dire need of a ‘break’.

As the minutes went by, I grew overwrought. ‘’Just not ready’’, my brain persuaded me again. Another 15 minutes passed, and it seems my eyes are too shamefaced to make an eye contact with the clock.

I know I have done something that I shouldn’t have, but it’s too late. Its 2.30 pm in the clock, and I am standing on the doorstep of my classroom, all prepared to take my end semester exam.

Since I have left school, this behavior has been unremitting. Given a deadline, I would do my work the night before, until I realized I could do it through the night, until I realized I could do it in morning on the day it was due and sometimes not doing it anyway, just like today. Often I see myself pondering over the reason of such a bearing.

It’s a mess, as I keep feeling worse and worse in my head. There are times when I have feelings of self hatred, guilt for not doing something which I should have done. But the predominant question is WHY all of this has been happening.

My mind comes up with different simplifications.

May be there is some sort of problem with my prefrontal cortex.

Or may be life has become difficult and I just can’t reconcile with this fact and delaying things is just an excuse to make myself believe that I still have it in me by comforting myself with a failure and telling myself, ‘’I will do better NEXT TIME’’.

But I fear the worst.

May be I am just too afraid to lose. Lose something that I know could be mine. What if I aim for something and fail miserably. May be my heart suffered in the past, and it says it can’t undergo that torture again. Not at any cost. So let’s make excuses. Delay, as much as possible. Dupe your mind into not thinking about what you really want from life, because the pain of not having it would be overpowering.

Sometimes I think that may be that blurred dream is so close to my heart, just, as people are close to their kins. They can’t picture them dying , so they don’t give thought to it. May be by the same reason I can’t help but not pursue my dream.

Or is it something more threatening only ‘Time’ will tell.